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Condoms - Why Not??

The top 15 excuses people use for NOT using a condom and why they are all wrong.

Dr Petra Boynton, Agony Aunt and Psychologist from University College London, has heard them all. Here she responds to some of the most common excuses for not using a condom and gives you the knowledge to stand your ground and insist that your partners use condoms:

• “I’m healthy”
• “I like it natural”
• “I couldn’t be bothered”
•“I don’t like them”
• “I lose sensitivity”
• “I forgot to use one
• “It affects my performance”
• “Ruins the moment”
• “They hurt”
• “They’re not safe”
• “I’m sterile”
• “I’ve no change for the machine”
• “We’ve been seeing each other for a while”
• “Condoms are too small”
• “I’m allergic to them”

“I’m healthy”
It doesn’t matter how healthy and fit you are, anyone who has unprotected sex puts themselves at risk of catching an STI and also unintended pregnancy. Most people think “it won’t happen to me” but the 790,000 diagnoses of STIs annually across the country tell quite a different story.

What’s more, you or your partner may not even realise that you have an STI, as many have no noticeable symptoms (Chlamydia is symptomless in at least 70% of women and 50% of men). So just because you cannot see any obvious symptoms such as sores or warts, doesn’t mean that one of you doesn’t have an STI.

Chlamydia affects up to one in 10 sexually active young women, so remember you can’t always tell by looking at someone if they have an STI. Don’t take the risk and always use a condom.

“I like it natural”
Some people believe sex without a condom feels “natural”, but with the new range of superfine condoms, often you can’t even tell you’re using a condom. In addition, using a condom can make you last longer and look bigger as well as protecting you against unintended pregnancy and STIs. Having sex without a condom may seem “natural” but it also means you’re putting yourself and your partner(s) at risk from infection.

“I couldn’t be bothered”
Your standard response to this should be, “if you can’t be bothered to use a condom then I can’t be bothered to have sex with you”. It’s a lot less effort to use a condom than it is to visit a GUM clinic and get treatment for an STI. Not to mention dealing with any unpleasant symptoms.

It’s easy not to be in the habit of using a condom. You’ll figure you’ll be okay, that you won’t catch an infection and you don’t really need to worry about condoms. However, condoms aren’t just about preventing the risk of pregnancy or infections. They can make you good in bed. Condoms have been proven to make guys last longer in bed, and they can also liven things up in the bedroom. Try a coloured condom for some fun, a textured condom to make your partner cum or a flavoured condom for blowjobs.

“I don’t like them”
Some people dislike condoms because in the past they’ve not been able to keep an erection with them on, or they’ve found them difficult to use. Other people are just told not to like condoms and never even bother to try them. Over the past few years with the changes in sex shops and greater availability of sex toys, manufacturers have been working hard to create condoms that look and feel good. So there are plenty of brands out there with a variety of condoms to suit your needs. There are textured, flavoured and coloured condoms. Condoms that make you and your partner tingle or feel hot.

Condoms to make you look bigger or help you last longer. And of course condoms help keep you safe from STIs and pregnancy – all are great reasons to start loving condoms.

“I lose sensitivity”
If you find condoms have made you lose sensitivity look for brands that have light condoms – some are really thin and it barely feels like you’re using a condom. Alternatively, you may want a textured condom to add to the sensations you and your partner feel. Some people prefer condoms that reduce sensitivity, which can be great if you’re worried about coming too quick as they can make you last longer in bed.

“I forgot to use one”
Getting drunk is one of the most common reasons for people “forgetting” to use a condom. The consequences of having unprotected sex can often be clouded by one too many drinks. Keep a pack of condoms by your bed and also carry condoms with you when you go out or go on holiday. Even if you aren’t planning to pull, put a condom in your handbag or pocket at the beginning of the night, just in case you get lucky.

“It affects my performance”
Some people find it hard to keep an erection with a condom on. Often this is because the first time you try and use a condom is when you’re just about to have sex. You find your erection starts to go, you worry about it, and then you lose your erection and associate it with the condom. You’re also worried what the person you are about to have sex with might think and that makes you even more anxious. The trick is to practice putting them on away from the “crucial moment” – learn to enjoy sex with a condom on. Try masturbating with a condom on and learn to stay hard and orgasm so you can enjoy sex with a condom on and feel confident you’ll stay hard next time you’re having sex with someone.

“Ruins the moment”
It’s funny that we don’t think of reaching for a sex toy, unpeeling our sexy underwear, or putting on a sexy DVD as a distraction, but they’re also activities that briefly interrupt sex. The thing is we see them as being sexy so it doesn’t worry us. If you get used to putting on a condom and carry on thinking about sex while you’re doing it (get your partner to put it on for you, or perhaps watch your partner undress or masturbate as you’re putting the condom on) then you’ll stay aroused and you’ll find it becomes part of sex, not an interruption.

“They hurt”
If a condom is too tight it may be uncomfortable. However, condoms come in a whole range of sizes so you should easily be able to find one that fits properly. Think about it – a condom can hold 14 pints of beer, that’s about 24 cans of coke – so it should have no problems fitting round your or your partner’s manhood.
If the condoms you have been using were too small, look out for brands that come in a bigger size (and try one on before you have sex so you feel more comfortable). You can always discuss with your GP, community contraception clinic or pharmacist to find a brand to suit you’.
Or it may hurt, because you are allergic to them (See “I’m allergic to them”).

“They’re not safe”
Over the past couple of years, there’s been some media coverage that suggests some people think condoms aren’t safe to use. If you use a condom correctly (follow the instructions on the pack) it can be 98% effective at protecting against pregnancy and STIs. To make sure you always use a condom correctly see How to use a condom.

“I’m sterile”
Whether a man is truly sterile or not, he can still both pass on and get STIs by having unprotected sex. You should still use a condom to protect yourself and partner/s from STIs. Plus, only a small number of men under 30 are actually sterile, so if someone tells you that they are, they may not be telling the truth.

“I’ve no change for the machine”
You should keep a stash at home and always carry them with you when you go out, so that you are always prepared.
You can get condoms free from community contraception clinics, sexual health clinics and some genitourinary medicine (GUM) clinics, GPs and nurses. You can buy condoms from a pharmacy or by mail order as well as from vending machines, supermarkets, garages and other shops.

“We’ve been seeing each other for a while”
Many STIs, such as chlamydia, don’t have any noticeable symptoms and can lie undetected for a long time. So while you may have been with your partner for a while, you may not have the all clear. Discuss your sexual history with your new partner and if needs be, get checked out at a sexual health (GUM) clinic before ditching the condoms and using alternative protection.

“Condoms are too small”
Condoms come in a range of sizes (in fact Condomania alone make more than 50 size/length combinations!) so there is no excuse not to find one that fits you. If the condoms you’ve used to date were too small, look out for brands that come in a bigger size (and try one on before you have sex so you feel more comfortable).

“I’m allergic to them”
Only a very small number of people are actually allergic to condoms, so don’t always trust someone who tells you they are. This is certainly not an excuse to have unprotected sex.

People who are allergic to condoms may react to:

• The latex the condom is made from.
• The chemicals that are used in the manufacture of condoms.

The spermicide that is added to most condoms to increase their effectiveness as a contraceptive. The spermicide is usually on the outside of the condom, so the person who reacts is usually not the wearer but their partner.

If you or your partner is allergic, you could try:

• Using condoms made of purer latex – often called “allergy” condoms.
• Using condoms that have no added spermicide.

Trying non-latex condoms, which are made from polyurethane that doesn’t cause allergic reactions (for example Durex Avanti).

For more information on sexual health (including HIV), call the Sexual Health Line free (from the UK) on 0800 567 123, textphone (for people with hearing impairments) 0800 521 361 or phone your local NHS sexual health clinic.

Frankandhonest.com is brought to you by ASK Education & Training Ltd. We provide training for young people and organisations working with young people. This site was created in response to countless requests from young people for a place to get answers.